Gay & Lesbian Manners
Question for Steven: I have some very close friends who LOVE getting domestic partnered, civil union-ed, and married. I think they’ve had four ceremonies in the past decade and I’m sure they’re going to get married in New York now that they can. My question: How many gifts do they deserve?
Question for Steven: We’re going out of our minds. Ever since New York passed the law allowing same-sex couples to get married there (no matter where they live), every straight person we know wants to know when we’re getting hitched. A lot of our gay friends are asking, too. It’s become oppressive. Help!
Question for Steven: I’ve seen that you’ve been giving a lot of smart advice to gay couples planning to marry in New York. My girlfriend and I got engaged a couple of weeks ago and we wanted to know if you have any guidance for the straight people who will be coming to our ceremony – both family members and others?
Question for Steven: My boyfriend and I are planning our wedding, and I heard that gay couples often wear their rings on their right hands instead of their left. Is that true? Does that go for engagement rings and wedding bands?
Question for Steven: My partner is an actor and certainly knows how to deliver his lines. He’d like us each to write—and, as he says, “perform”—our own vows for our ceremony. I’m shy and can’t imagine baring my soul in front of all our friends and family. Will it matter if I don’t write mine? Or will our guests think I don’t love him?
Question for Steven: For both my partner and me, getting “married” is as much a political statement as it is about our love. Generally, I don’t bring politics into the office (and I don’t like others who do), but I want to raise everyone’s awareness of the marriage-inequality issue, especially because we live in a state where we can’t legally partner. How do you suggest I do this political consciousness-raising without crossing the line into inappropriate office behavior?
We want to ask our parents to pay for our wedding—but how?
Question for Steven: When my older sister got married last year, our parents paid for most of her wedding, and her fiancé’s folks took care of most of the rehearsal dinner and some other incidentals. (I think my sister and her fiancé also covered some of the wedding-related costs themselves.) Now that my partner and I are planning a ceremony, we’re wondering whether it’s okay for me to approach my parents about paying for my wedding, too. And if it is, what do I say?
Must two brides dress like twins?
Question for Steven: We received an invitation to a commitment ceremony and reception recently with a separate card in the envelope reading, “This is a no-host celebration.” When I talked to one of the brides-to-be about it she said, “We couldn’t afford to cover dinner, so this seemed the next best thing.” We’re kind of shocked and are thinking about not going. Isn’t this déclassé?.